Conquering the Holidays!

This post is long overdue! I have been struggling these past two months..the phentermine just isn't working well anymore, and then with Thanksgiving and spending a week at my parents....well, it just isn't a good combination. I was kind of holding my own until last week, but with some indulgences over Thanksgiving, and my Mom cooking meals all week, I knew I would be up.

However, I am ready to attack this weight loss again!! I went to the weight loss doctor for my monthly visit on Monday. He wanted to up the phentermine to 2 pills in the morning, and one in the afternoon. But I don't like that idea, because I think I will have trouble sleeping if I take a pill that late. In addition, he wanted to add Metformin 500 mg before each meal. I already take 1000 mg of Metformin at night because of my insulin resistance. (It is helpful with controlling the sugar that my liver puts out all night long.) So when he suggested Metformin, I kind of balked about it. It is only 500 mg extra a day, and would probably not hurt at all to take it, but I just don't know if I need to go there yet. I would like to save some options for when the weight loss just completely stalls.

So this is what I have done the last few days. I had been on 2 pills per day, and it wasn't working in the late evening. SO I increased to 2.5 pills in the morning. That really worked well these past two days. No cravings, no hunger, no "need to munch" on something at night. Nighttime is my biggest problem. I can do well during the day, but at night, I feel starving sometimes! And I just want to eat to fill that void. Of course that is the worst time to eat, and the pounds just come on then.

I weigh again at the doctor's on January 3rd, right after Christmas break. I have a good feeling about this though...hoping it will work through the holidays and keep me from going overboard. I am going to try and stay busy and get some cleaning and organization done this time, so that will be a good distraction. Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving!!

Still going down...

Work has been horribly busy since the end of August. I have been staying late almost every night, trying to get things in order for the new year. The plus side of that is that I really don't have time to even think about eating!! Lunch is eaten at my desk, in hurried bites between patients. And dinner is when we finally make it home -usually after six sometime.

I have been remembering to take the Phentermine thank goodness, and it is really helping. In addition, the doctor increased the dosage after my last visit, and it has been much more effective! So I am happy to say that I am back to losing, and dropped ten pounds last month. Hooray! Now if I can just get my job under control...... :)

I am Soooo ready for a schedule!

I am a school nurse, so I have been happy to not have a real schedule to adhere to this past summer. It is wonderful to fill my days with things not work-related, and to not have to set an alarm every morning. However, I have noticed that is not great for me related to being on the Phentermine. Without having a set schedule, I am totally forgetting to take my pill at times. And with all the vacationing, traveling, grad school work, etc, I have not always made the best food choices. So I was relieved to see that my weight was down this month, albeit only 2 lbs.

When I went to see my weight-loss doctor last Monday, I told him I was struggling, even on those days when I did take the phentermine. He said that my body was probably developing a tolerance to the med, and increased the dosage, which I am happy to say has really helped.

So it is back to school for me tomorrow, and back to a schedule, with a higher dose of Phentermine. I am hoping to show a much better weight loss when I go back to see him mid-September. I am also planning to start getting up earlier every day so that I can do 30 min on the treadmill each morning. I think this will be a great routine for me. I am so ready to see the weight start coming off again!

Home at last!

Well, after almost three weeks on the road (one week in Maine on campus at the college I am getting my master's from,and one week camping with my son), I am finally home again. Thank goodness. I find it much more difficult to remain on plan with healthy eating when I am on the road or away from home. One of the biggest problems is that I forget to take the phentermine pill! You have to take it either 2 hours before or after a meal. I have been taking it 2 hours after breakfast, but when in school, I was in class at that time, and just kept forgetting. Then last week while camping I only remembered about twice. It makes a huge difference. The past two days I have taken it, and have been totally back on track. Hooray!

I don't think I even mentioned that I did lose the 5 lbs I thought I had when I weighed in at the doctor's on July 5th. That put me at a total of 40 lbs lost since mid-April, and that makes me glad! I don't think I did much better this month...I will be happy with another 5 lbs if I can get it. Slowly but surely!! :)

I have also still been lax in the exercising area. I truly need to increase my walking and exercise. That will help to spur the losses, I know! I still have almost 5 weeks before I have to go back to work, so I am going to do the best I can to get in more exercise before it is back to the busy-ness of a new school year.

Overall, I am so happy to be down 40+ lbs and still losing! :)

Working on Exercise!

Today I absolutely have no excuses not to exercise. It is beautiful outside, my son is bored, and so we are off to the zoo! We will walk all over the place without stopping, and I will get in lots of exercise.

This month has been a bit of a struggle with the eating. I am a school nurse, and it is mainly the change in routine that has given me trouble. I have forgotten to take the phentermine sometimes until too late in the day. In addition, my birthday is in June, and multiple friends have wanted to go out to dinner, etc, and it is always harder to eat healthy at a restaurant, I think. Plus we have been visiting family in other states, on the road and staying w/ family. I don't like to ask them to cook differently, so have just tried to limit my portions.

Bottom line, I will be happy if I lose 5 lbs this month! :) But at least I don't think I have gained, and that is always good. Especially in a birthday month. I go to see the doctor on Monday the 5th, after a July 4th picnic at my Uncle's house. Of course there is always tons of food, but I am aiming for more swimming and less eating this year. Knowing I have to weigh in the next day will help! I'll check back in after Monday w/ my update! :)

I am not a good blogger...

I can't believe it has been 3 weeks since I posted. I am really not a good blogger....I have no desire to sit down and pour out my heart online most days. :) But the weight loss has been going pretty well!

I am down to 360 lbs now, a total loss of 35 lbs in the past 2 months. Can't be upset about that. :) Yes, I would lose faster if I consistently exercised, and if I ate perfectly, but that has not happened.

What has happened is that I have increased my activity, and decreased my overall food intake, and that is a good thing. Slowly but surely, my weight is going down, instead of up.

And that makes me happy. Vacation coming up..and stress from starting my Masters, so we shall see if that makes a difference in my progress. Hopefully I won't lose focus. I like the downward trend. :)

New Skinny Cow Ice cream in single servings!

I found something at the grocery store this week that I had to try. I like a little ice cream now and then. I don't eat a lot of it, and so buying the 1/2 gallon size doesn't make much sense...it always go bad before my son and I finish it. So I was happy to see that Skinny Cow has come out w/ little individual cups of ice cream. They are 150 calories, and the flavor I tried...Chocolate Fudge Brownie, was really good. It looks like just about one measuring cup full of ice cream.Very smooth and creamy. I would definitely buy more.

Great weigh-in this week. The scale at the new office showed I lost about 11 lbs these past two weeks. I am happy with that. But it is getting too confusing trying to figure out what I have really lost between the two scales, so I am going to go w/ my home scale. According to that scale, I weighed 365 on Monday morning. Just six weeks ago, I weighed 395 on my scale at home. So I have lost 30 lbs in the past six weeks. I am thrilled with that.

I really need to start exercising though. I think it will help to increase the weight loss, and I just need to do it to try and regain some of my endurance. I am going to start out walking on the treadmill for 15 min every day, and work my way up to 30 minutes daily. I know I can do this!! Exercise is always the harder part for me...I just hate it! It is a necessary evil though, so to the treadmill I must return. :) I can't wait for the day when I will be one of those people who love to exercise.

Rotten Weigh-In on Monday...

I was so looking forward to trying out the new office for my Monday weigh-in. The doctor I have been going to opened a new branch about 10 minutes from where I work. I can get there right after work on Mondays, instead of driving 45 minutes on Tuesday after work. Cool, right?? Not so cool. First of all, the scale at the new office weighs 6-7 lbs higher than the scale at the other office. Secondly, my doctor doesn't come to this office..someone else is there, and I felt he was too brusque, too quick, and just not interested. I knew I was going to be up on this weigh-in by one or two lbs anyway, because I had my period and was retaining water. However, when it showed that I weighed 382, I could not believe it!! My second weigh-in had showed that I lost 17 lbs. Now I am back to having lost 9. According to their scale anyway. In my heart, I know I have lost more. There is a lady who manned the front desk in the office who also works at the first place, and she confirmed that the scale is definitely 6-7 lbs heavier. She said she has weighed herself at one office, driven to the new office, weighed again, and is immediately 6-7 lbs heavier. Great. Oh well, now that I have the weight recorded there, I know I should show a drop next time I weigh there.

This past week I have noticed that I am getting hungry with the munchies at night. My first doctor had me taking the phentermine at 5:45 in the morning and then eating breakfast at 7:30 or so. (You have to take it on an empty stomach, either 2 hrs before eating, or 2 hrs after.) So yesterday, I decided to eat breakfast around 6:30, and then take the med around 8:30. It worked so much better for me! I was not that hungry for dinner, so I didn't eat that much, and then I had no desire for munchies at all later in the evening. Thankfully I was still able to get to sleep at a normal time, no problem. When I first started taking the med, I had a hard time falling asleep. But taking it later did not mess me up yesterday, whew!

Well, I have to go. We are taking an 85 year old friend out bowling today for her birthday. She is going to beat me terribly, I think. She belongs to a bowling league, and I only go about once a year! :) Have a great weekend everyone! :)

It's nice not to think about food constantly....

Today I stayed home from work. I did not feel well in the early morning hours - nauseated, and other GI issues from something I ate, I believe. I had picked up a frozen eggplant parmigan meal from Trader Joe's, and ate it last night, because it had good nutritional stats. I am not a big fan of eggplant, and while I was eating it, I thought it tasted a little funny, but blamed it on the eggplant. However, I think maybe something was "off".

Anyway, I was home today, and apparently missed a big luncheon at work put on by the PTA of our school, for the staff. I have been to these lunches before, and the PTA goes ALL out. Especially on the desserts - homemade cakes, pies, cheesecake, etc. It is a giant food fest. Ordinarily I look forward to these lunches, being a chunky girl who loves food, and so I would usually be bummed that I missed it. Amazingly, I had forgotten all about it, and my first thought when someone emailed me about it, lamenting that I had missed it, was "who cares?". Huh??! "Who cares?" WHO am I? I have never not cared about food. But the phentermine actually helps me to not think about it, crave it, plan about my next meal constantly, or really even care about it! It is wonderful. Don't worry, I still get hungry at meal times, and I am still eating....but it is like I am eating for fuel, not for fun. The way I always wished I would be.....

My nausea had disappeared by mid-morning, and I was able to eat breakfast and lunch with no problem. Tonight, I was taking my son to an arcade, and neither of us had eaten dinner yet. It was almost 6:30, and I have been trying not to eat too late at night. So I stopped and got a grilled chicken sandwich, and made myself eat it. So strange....yet so wonderful...to know that I am eating something healthy, because I am making sure my body gets the nutrition it needs. Previously I would have probably grabbed a meal from McDonalds, and finished off my son's fries in addition. I truly love not living for food while I am on this medication. It may just change my life forever. That's what I am praying for! Weigh-in next Monday. Can't wait to see it. My scale has not been working well lately, so it will be a big surprise! :)

I can say freely: "I love Phentermine"!

Yesterday was my two week check up since starting the phentermine. I stepped on the scale after work, and the doctor could not believe his eyes. I was down to 374....I had lost 17 lbs in two weeks. He kept acting like he had written it wrong my first visit, when I weighed 391. I laughed. "Surely you see other folks as big as I am who have lost that much in their first weigh-in after Phentermine..." The doctor denied it, saying usually he only sees a loss of 8-10 lbs at the most, even if it is someone my size. I was surprised. I wondered if many of those people had stopped eating, thereby slowing down their metabolism. I have been eating healthily....not really counting calories, but just eating lean protein and fruits and veggies. I eat when I am hungry, and at least eat Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner, even if I am not hungry. I have even eaten a cupcake or two, and a piece of pie, but that is the exception, and not the rule.

I feel good. Though I don't feel the great push of energy I thought I might feel, I am not tired all the time either. I definitely need to start exercising too, but for right now, I am concentrating on taking a few more pounds off first, before hitting the old treadmill.

I am so happy with the weight loss. My BP was fine (some people say Phentermine raises Blood Pressure), but mine was lower than the first BP they had taken. I am sleeping well again, and do not really feel any negative side effects. I love this medicatin. I feel like it has corrected the inbalance in my brain that kept me craving things that added to my weight, instead of helping me to lose. I am so thankful that I tried it. And my prayer is that the effect continues, and I don't develop a tolerance to it, and become immune to the way it makes me feel right now. :)

One week later....

Well, I have been on the phentermine for one week now. It is definitely working. I love it. The phentermine takes away that desire to eat "just for the sake of eating". In fact, I have felt like a normal person in regards to food this week. For some reason, I have been able to stay on a healthy diet without eating foods that are bad for me either. Although I did give myself the "license" to eat whatever I wanted, without restriction. But when I have the unhealthy food in front of me, it just doesn't hold the appeal it usually does, and it is easy to pass it by.

I have often watched thin people eat until they were full and then push the plate away. That was a foreign thing to me. I always finished my plate. Always. This past week, there have been several times I left food on the plate. Just had no desire to eat more. I love the feeling. I am actually trying to count calories a little, just to make sure that I eat enough....I don't want to drop down below 1500 calories at this point, or my metabolism may suffer. So I am trying to figure it out, and am excited because I am intuitively eating right where I should be for weight loss, and I don't feel deprived or like I am spending forever in healthy food preparation and planning - or even thinking about food that much.

I weighed in today...one week since starting the phentermine. I was down 10 lbs on my scale. I cannot believe how easy it has seemed. The only drawback is that I am still not sleeping as well as I used to, but I have to admit, I don't feel tired the next day, which is nice. I definitely have more energy overall, and I am excited for my official weigh in on their scale next Tuesday!! :)

I've made my visit to the pill pusher.....

Okay, Tuesday was the day. I went to visit Dr.Rivas, and get started on my new weight loss plan - which involves Phentermine, an appetite suppressant. My first impressions were not the greatest. I did not get a feeling of personal caring from Dr. Rivas. He has probably seen so many thousands of overweight people, heard the same sob stories, and had to answer the same questions. But I was giving him my hard earned money ($130 to be exact, for this first visit), and for that I would like to see some sincere attention.

For the price of admission, you are given 2 weeks worth of the medication. I started it yesterday. The side effects have not been too bad. I did feel a little bit "off balance" for about 1/2 hour during the morning, but that went away quickly. I also had trouble sleeping, but did not feel tired today. On the plus side, I did not have much of an appetite yesterday! I definitely didn't think about food as much, and when I did, it was not as compelling as usual. Today was the same! I am really hopeful that this might work for me.

I am trying not to focus on being perfect with my food intake. In fact, I am not "dieting". I am going to try and choose healthy foods for the most part...lean proteins, veggies, fruits, etc. But I am also going to eat whatever I crave. Strangely enough, even with that "License", I did not feel like eating anything sweet yesterday or today. Which is very weird for me. There was cake all over the place at work today, and all I thought was: "Wow, before I would have had a piece of cake at least once, maybe even twice before the day was through." Instead, this morning I had to remind myself to eat a snack, and I didn't FEEL like finishing my yogurt. What? Me not finish something??? So bizarre. Amazing what one little pill can do.

I don't know how it will continue to work, but I am praying that it will still work for me, and I will not develop a resistance to it. I don't weigh in until 2 weeks from the start, and already I am hoping it will be a good number. It wasn't so great at my initial weigh in. 391. Yes, it is true. Sigh. I hope I never see that number again!

Uh Oh - I haven't posted in 19 days!

Hmmmm, perhaps I didn't post for 19 days because after one awesome week of eating right, I again found myself indulging in JUNK?! It is so hard for me to blog when I am not eating right. I greatly admire those who persevere and blog no matter what. You are my heroes!!

I have come to a decision though. One I am not making lightly, and one which I have researched deeply. I am going to lop off my right leg in an attempt to quickly lose 55 lbs or so. Wait - I am just joking. I wanted to say that first so that what I am really doing won't seem so bad. On Tuesday, I am going to a weight loss specialist. His name is Dr. Paul Rivas, and he has been on Good Morning America, as well as other TV shows. His method of helping people lose weight has to do with giving them an appetite suppressant, along w/ an antidepressant, to help change the chemicals in their brains and help them not want to eat all the time. That is what I long for. To have that "I want to eat a donut" thought just switched off!

If you google his name, you can find out a lot of information about his program. He has been fairly successful, and has been in the wgt loss business X 26 years. I have tried everything else..except surgery, and I don't want to go there. I am hoping that perhaps this method might work. I think it is at least worth a try. Has anyone else ever heard of him? Or taken Rx drugs to lose weight? It is not my preferred method of losing weight, but my other methods have left me at 390 lbs, so I think it is worth a try. I would love to hear your thoughts though...good and bad!

Adios Sugar!

It is strange when I look back over the past two years and think about my weight loss/gain cycle. I was so excited when I first started losing in March 2008. I was working with a fitness coach friend...he just gave me advice about diet and exercise - but it was very good advice, and just what I needed. You see, I have lost hundreds of pounds over the years. Alas, I always gained it back. But that last time I thought I had really "figured it all out." I was not following some new fangled diet plan, or drinking just shakes, or taking any kind of pill...I was just eating healthy, avoiding sugar, and making better choices. I thought I had the weight loss struggle beat. I was going all the way!

So what shoved me off the path of healthy eating and into a food frenzy that lasted a year?? Would you believe it was a donut? It was. I truly think it was the catalyst that started a vicious cycle of eating carbs and more carbs. My uncle had just died, I was sick of watching everything I put in my mouth, and I was taking my son away for the weekend to celebrate his Adoption Anniversary.I decided to take the weekend "off" from healthy eating. I felt I needed a break.

That year we went to a hotel that had breakfast included. As part of their breakfast, they offered these bakery donuts. I ended up eating one that had white filling, glazed, with icing on top. It was delicious. It also sent me on a sugar binge. I can remember how good it tasted, and how after I ate it, I wanted another. The bakery was onsite, and my son wanted to visit it later that day. So did I! We bought some cookies, some of those donuts, and the downward spiral deepened. I just could not get back on track after that weekend. It was always...."oh I'll just wait one more day....we are having a party at work this afternoon..why start now?" And then .."Oh it is my birthday next week, I know I will want a piece of cake...I can't cut out sugar now." Also, the relief that comes from eating without worrying about calories...not having to watch every single thing you put in your mouth. I thought about food less, actually, and it was bliss not to have to step on that scale every day.

However, that came with a big price. My "weekend vacation" from healthy eating stretched into a week, then two, then a month, then months, and then a year. You know how easily time flies. I am not a horrendous eater. I don't consider myself a binge eater necessarily. I just don't always make the healthiest choices. And for me, anything that is refined carbs, especially sugar, seems to go directly to fat. In all honesty, many people have said to me that they don't think I eat that much. Some of my friends actually eat more than I do, and are normal sizes. I can lose weight, and quite easily it seems, if I just eat only fruits, veggies, and lean meats/proteins. My problem after that weekend is that I loved the freedom of not planning/shopping/cooking just to eat healthy. I wouldn't always want to take the time to make a healthy lunch, when I could just bring leftovers from dinner the night before. And maybe dinner the night before was lasagna, or Mac and Cheese, or something not especially weight loss inducing. Suddenly, here I was, one year later, having gained it all back.

So,this past Monday I vowed off sugar again. Yesterday at work someone brought in donuts from a bakery. They looked so fresh and delicious! However, I can say truly that I did not want one. Once I am off of sugar and refined carbs for a few days, those cravings are gone. I knew if I ate it, the donut would derail me again and start that horrible cycle. I think my donut days may be over folks, if I truly want to be healthy. And that is a trade that is worth making.

Once a week post??

I seem to be posting about once a week, and that's okay. At least I am posting something! :)

So I finally stepped on the scale. It was gruesome. I was back to 394. Not 395, my highest...oh no...I had not gained back that last pound. So I can say I didn't gain ALL my weight back. Ha ha! However, here I am, and I am once again trying to eat right. Today is day 2. I am eating NO sugar, no refined flours, etc, and am trying to keep to around 1600-1700 cals, with a limit of 2000. So far, so good. If I can get through this period of cravings, I will be okay. Actually, it isn't too bad yet.

This past weekend I took my son on an Adoption Anniversary Celebration at a water park. I did not feel like getting in a bathing suit- even if I had one that fit. So I didn't. He is only seven. How sad that he had to swim alone when we could have had fun together. The end of April he has a field trip to the zoo and wants me to go along. I don't think I could do all that walking the way I am now. So in the next six weeks, I hope to start dropping some pounds, and picking up the exercise pace, so that I can go to the zoo with him. I need to start being a healthy mom, so that I can set a good example, and be around for him, a long, long time.

Just one year ago.....

It was one year ago this week that I turned the corner from healthy eating, and started down that slippery slope to gaining weight back instead of losing. My uncle died unexpectedly, and all the emotions of my own husband's unexpected death came flooding back. I had been struggling just to stay where I was weight-wise for several months, after losing about 80 lbs in the previous year. Then suddenly, I blinked, it was now December, and I realized I had gained back almost all that I had lost.

So here I am today. I feel ready to tackle this giant weight loss albatross again. I am tired of stuffing myself into my clothes, and of being too exhausted at the end of the day to do much of anything except sit around. I know I need to start exercing again, preparing my meals, the whole bit.

Tomorrow I am going to step on the scale, and see the damage of a year of poor choices. And then, hopefully, I can start stepping in the right direction.

Funny how time flies....

It is amazing how quickly a year can pass. From 2008-9, I lost about 80 lbs. From 2009-10, I gained back about 65-70 lbs. (Still haven't weighed in yet.) I am trying not to be too discouraged about the weight gain. In thinking positively, I can say..well, at least I still weigh less than I did at the start of 2008. That makes me feel marginally better. :)

Things are going pretty well. I am easing my way back to eating healthy. Still not perfect, but better. I am following another blogger who is evaluating Medifast, and I am trying not to be too jealous. :) If I could afford it, I would probably give it a go, but I just can't afford that much money per month on the meals. Though I may eat more than I should, I do not eat a lot of pricey foods, nor do I eat out a lot. My budget is tight enough as it is, and I just don't have that much extra per month for convenience. I would love to be excited about a new plan though, and see some quick results. Oh well.

I will keep trudging on this way, and hopefully the pounds will come off slowly and surely as they did before. :)

Birthday Celebration!

Last night I made a huge pot of one of my favorites....though I don't have a name for what it is. :) I made up the recipe one day while trying to get rid of a lot of zucchini that I had. Basically it is kind of like a veggie lasagna, but made w/ Smart Taste macaroni instead of noodles. I chop up about 3-4 cups of zucchini, and saute it with chopped onions and garlic in a bit of Pam. When that is almost done coooking, I add in some spaghetti sauce, then the cooked macaroni. After it is stirred, dollop in a few spoons of cottage cheese, and then cut up a few light cheese sticks, and stir that in. It all melts together to make a fabulous cheesy, Italian type comfort food. I love it. And since much of it is zucchini, it is pretty healthy. Last night I also threw in some veggie burger crumbles. The veggie crumbles (or you could use lean ground beef) makes it a little more substantial. So I have lunch and dinner ready. :)

Tonight we are headed to my parents' house for a birthday celebration. Of course there will be food, but I am bringing the veggie tray, and will try to stick with healthy choices. No, make that I WILL stick with healthy choices!

Have a great weekend everyone, and I will touch base when I get back!

I've Got to Do Something!

Hello all you blogger friends - if any of you are out there anymore. :) I did not disappear from the face of the earth, though it may have seemed like it. I have been very busy gaining back almost all that I lost last year. It has been so discouraging. I know that many of you struggle with weight issues as well, and I am sure you know the old story...."taking a break" from stepping on the scale or from carefully watching what you eat turns into a 6 month or 10 month hiatus that results in finding many pounds that were lost.

Sigh. Well, I at least have started blogging again. I do feel that is the first step to making it back into positive territory. I know I need to do something to change my eating habits, but don't want to do the same thing I have in the past. I feel like I need something new and exciting to motivate me. I know what I need to do to lose weight, I just don't feel like doing all the food prep every day and counting calories again. It gets so old.

My fitness counselor friend called me the other day. He thought I should try Medifast, and thinks it is a great program. I looked at it, and I agree it looks good. But I honestly have to say that I don't think I can afford what it would cost me to do it. Though I may not eat the right things, I do not spend a lot of money on food. Since it is just myself and my 7 year old son, I can make one cooked meal last for several dinners and lunches. I just don't have the extra money to spend on shakes and supplemental meals at this time. I wish I did. So instead, I am going to ease back into this by just writing down everything I am eating each day. That should help, and tomorrow I am going to decide how I am going to jump back on this health bandwagon, and super glue myself to the wagon seat!