Saturday, June 27, 2009

The Horror of it all!!!

Well, I am back from a week of camping. Which may or may not have involved some roasted marshmallows. And my Dad's yummy beef roast over the fire, with mashed taters and some homemade rolls w/ homemade butter. (He made it in a dutch oven - over an open fire and they were perfect! Go Dad!) :)

Sadly, all that vacation munching led to more pounds on me. It is amazing how fast the weight comes back on. Now granted, I have been eating like there is no tomorrow. I have felt totally out of control as far as my food intake has been. I don't know what caused the loss of control...I only know that it began in March, and has hopefully ended in June.

I am feeling optimistic today....mainly because I am typing this post in the day time....not at night, after stuffing myself all day, when it is very easy to declare that "tomorrow is the day I get back on track!" The next morning I would wake up hungry, and decide that maybe I would get in one more day of eating the things I had missed before I "got back on the wagon". So stupid...but I know I am not the only one who says stuff like that. I mean I read the blogs. :)

Anyway, today, I did the unthinkable. I got on the scale. Which I have avoided for a whole month. The past month of eating did me no favors..up 11 pounds. To a high of 357. Eek. I cannot believe that in 4 months, I packed back on 44 lbs. All that hard work, down the toilet. However, it was a simple sign to me that at least all was not lost. I had stopped myself before I ended up back at 395. Whew! I feel good today. I feel in control again for some reason. Have not felt this way for MONTHS. Started out with some plain scrambled eggs for breakfast, w/ a grapefruit and coffee. Lunch was a biggie salad w/ some lean ham, cheese, a few raisins, and some lowfat dressing. It tasted good.

Part of my food "problem" these past few months was that I felt bored by what I had been eating. I was tired of making healthy foods, tired of cooking chicken and making salads. I wanted a burger! One I could buy, not make. I wanted to eat out and not worry about every calorie. I just wanted to not focus on every thing I put in my mouth. I was tired of it.

Well, my little break was nice in that respect. I certainly didn't count calories. I got a nice long time away from the scale. But the price for all that freedom was high....44 lbs and poorer health, to be exact. I feel tired now, my energy is low, and my knees ache again. But not for long I hope. This has been a hard lesson, but I have learned that it is not a good idea to "take a break" for any reason. It is too hard for me to get back up and start again. It has taken me 1/3 of a year to do that, and I regained more than half of what I had lost. BUT, (and now we are talking huge butt!) I am back at it.

Thank you to all the supporters and friends out there who are still reading this and have urged me to not give up. I was listening, and I am ready! You guys are the best!

And now I am off to take my son to a fun summer fest at a nearby rescue horse farm. Should involve lots of walking, and I am ready for it! :) Let the exercise begin!! :)