Yes, I have been avoiding my blog..

It is difficult to blog when you are out of control with eating. It is really, really, hard to step on the scale too. But today, I am doing both. I am blogging, though I am not liking it, and I stepped on the scale, which I really didn't like. I am up to 346. I cannot believe it. Well, I can. I mean, I know what I have been eating, and I know what my body does when I am not super careful with what I eat. So I am up by 33 lbs in about the last 2 months. 10 weeks if I am counting, but I obviously haven't been counting anything lately. Ha ha! (Small joke for some levity.)

Anyway, you would think I would be depressed, but honestly I am not. I am determined. Determined to make tomorrow the day I get back on track and start eating only healthy foods. No processed carbs, no sugar, no candy or cookies or cake. No chips, no chocolate. Nothing that packs on the pounds.

Of course, have you ever noticed how easy it is to make a promise like that when you have a full stomach? And late at night? Sooooo easy. But hard to keep in the light of day, in the middle of a stressful day at work and legitimate hunger. However, I am determined to give it the old college try...because I am never, ever going to throw in the towel on my life. I want to live, and losing weight is the only way I will get that life! I will post in tomorrow night, and let you know how it is going!

Helllllppppp!

Okay, I feel helpless. I really do. Do you know how you feel when you are trying to eat healthy, trying to eat right, and yet keep shoving junk in your mouth all day? That is where I am. Any semblance of control or healthy eating is out the door.

Yet every morning I wake up determined to get back on track. It is horrible. I know I can never give up, but I am feeling so blah about how out of control I am, and hating how I am gaining weight again instead of losing, that I feel really awful.

Anyway, I just want to touch base with all my blogger friends and tell you that I am alive, and I know I will get back into it again soon! I just want to feel healthy again, and lose more. I know I can do it, I just have to stop this vicious cycle. Hope you all have wonderful Memorial Day weekend!!