One week later....

Well, I have been on the phentermine for one week now. It is definitely working. I love it. The phentermine takes away that desire to eat "just for the sake of eating". In fact, I have felt like a normal person in regards to food this week. For some reason, I have been able to stay on a healthy diet without eating foods that are bad for me either. Although I did give myself the "license" to eat whatever I wanted, without restriction. But when I have the unhealthy food in front of me, it just doesn't hold the appeal it usually does, and it is easy to pass it by.

I have often watched thin people eat until they were full and then push the plate away. That was a foreign thing to me. I always finished my plate. Always. This past week, there have been several times I left food on the plate. Just had no desire to eat more. I love the feeling. I am actually trying to count calories a little, just to make sure that I eat enough....I don't want to drop down below 1500 calories at this point, or my metabolism may suffer. So I am trying to figure it out, and am excited because I am intuitively eating right where I should be for weight loss, and I don't feel deprived or like I am spending forever in healthy food preparation and planning - or even thinking about food that much.

I weighed in today...one week since starting the phentermine. I was down 10 lbs on my scale. I cannot believe how easy it has seemed. The only drawback is that I am still not sleeping as well as I used to, but I have to admit, I don't feel tired the next day, which is nice. I definitely have more energy overall, and I am excited for my official weigh in on their scale next Tuesday!! :)

I've made my visit to the pill pusher.....

Okay, Tuesday was the day. I went to visit Dr.Rivas, and get started on my new weight loss plan - which involves Phentermine, an appetite suppressant. My first impressions were not the greatest. I did not get a feeling of personal caring from Dr. Rivas. He has probably seen so many thousands of overweight people, heard the same sob stories, and had to answer the same questions. But I was giving him my hard earned money ($130 to be exact, for this first visit), and for that I would like to see some sincere attention.

For the price of admission, you are given 2 weeks worth of the medication. I started it yesterday. The side effects have not been too bad. I did feel a little bit "off balance" for about 1/2 hour during the morning, but that went away quickly. I also had trouble sleeping, but did not feel tired today. On the plus side, I did not have much of an appetite yesterday! I definitely didn't think about food as much, and when I did, it was not as compelling as usual. Today was the same! I am really hopeful that this might work for me.

I am trying not to focus on being perfect with my food intake. In fact, I am not "dieting". I am going to try and choose healthy foods for the most part...lean proteins, veggies, fruits, etc. But I am also going to eat whatever I crave. Strangely enough, even with that "License", I did not feel like eating anything sweet yesterday or today. Which is very weird for me. There was cake all over the place at work today, and all I thought was: "Wow, before I would have had a piece of cake at least once, maybe even twice before the day was through." Instead, this morning I had to remind myself to eat a snack, and I didn't FEEL like finishing my yogurt. What? Me not finish something??? So bizarre. Amazing what one little pill can do.

I don't know how it will continue to work, but I am praying that it will still work for me, and I will not develop a resistance to it. I don't weigh in until 2 weeks from the start, and already I am hoping it will be a good number. It wasn't so great at my initial weigh in. 391. Yes, it is true. Sigh. I hope I never see that number again!

Uh Oh - I haven't posted in 19 days!

Hmmmm, perhaps I didn't post for 19 days because after one awesome week of eating right, I again found myself indulging in JUNK?! It is so hard for me to blog when I am not eating right. I greatly admire those who persevere and blog no matter what. You are my heroes!!

I have come to a decision though. One I am not making lightly, and one which I have researched deeply. I am going to lop off my right leg in an attempt to quickly lose 55 lbs or so. Wait - I am just joking. I wanted to say that first so that what I am really doing won't seem so bad. On Tuesday, I am going to a weight loss specialist. His name is Dr. Paul Rivas, and he has been on Good Morning America, as well as other TV shows. His method of helping people lose weight has to do with giving them an appetite suppressant, along w/ an antidepressant, to help change the chemicals in their brains and help them not want to eat all the time. That is what I long for. To have that "I want to eat a donut" thought just switched off!

If you google his name, you can find out a lot of information about his program. He has been fairly successful, and has been in the wgt loss business X 26 years. I have tried everything else..except surgery, and I don't want to go there. I am hoping that perhaps this method might work. I think it is at least worth a try. Has anyone else ever heard of him? Or taken Rx drugs to lose weight? It is not my preferred method of losing weight, but my other methods have left me at 390 lbs, so I think it is worth a try. I would love to hear your thoughts though...good and bad!

Adios Sugar!

It is strange when I look back over the past two years and think about my weight loss/gain cycle. I was so excited when I first started losing in March 2008. I was working with a fitness coach friend...he just gave me advice about diet and exercise - but it was very good advice, and just what I needed. You see, I have lost hundreds of pounds over the years. Alas, I always gained it back. But that last time I thought I had really "figured it all out." I was not following some new fangled diet plan, or drinking just shakes, or taking any kind of pill...I was just eating healthy, avoiding sugar, and making better choices. I thought I had the weight loss struggle beat. I was going all the way!

So what shoved me off the path of healthy eating and into a food frenzy that lasted a year?? Would you believe it was a donut? It was. I truly think it was the catalyst that started a vicious cycle of eating carbs and more carbs. My uncle had just died, I was sick of watching everything I put in my mouth, and I was taking my son away for the weekend to celebrate his Adoption Anniversary.I decided to take the weekend "off" from healthy eating. I felt I needed a break.

That year we went to a hotel that had breakfast included. As part of their breakfast, they offered these bakery donuts. I ended up eating one that had white filling, glazed, with icing on top. It was delicious. It also sent me on a sugar binge. I can remember how good it tasted, and how after I ate it, I wanted another. The bakery was onsite, and my son wanted to visit it later that day. So did I! We bought some cookies, some of those donuts, and the downward spiral deepened. I just could not get back on track after that weekend. It was always...."oh I'll just wait one more day....we are having a party at work this afternoon..why start now?" And then .."Oh it is my birthday next week, I know I will want a piece of cake...I can't cut out sugar now." Also, the relief that comes from eating without worrying about calories...not having to watch every single thing you put in your mouth. I thought about food less, actually, and it was bliss not to have to step on that scale every day.

However, that came with a big price. My "weekend vacation" from healthy eating stretched into a week, then two, then a month, then months, and then a year. You know how easily time flies. I am not a horrendous eater. I don't consider myself a binge eater necessarily. I just don't always make the healthiest choices. And for me, anything that is refined carbs, especially sugar, seems to go directly to fat. In all honesty, many people have said to me that they don't think I eat that much. Some of my friends actually eat more than I do, and are normal sizes. I can lose weight, and quite easily it seems, if I just eat only fruits, veggies, and lean meats/proteins. My problem after that weekend is that I loved the freedom of not planning/shopping/cooking just to eat healthy. I wouldn't always want to take the time to make a healthy lunch, when I could just bring leftovers from dinner the night before. And maybe dinner the night before was lasagna, or Mac and Cheese, or something not especially weight loss inducing. Suddenly, here I was, one year later, having gained it all back.

So,this past Monday I vowed off sugar again. Yesterday at work someone brought in donuts from a bakery. They looked so fresh and delicious! However, I can say truly that I did not want one. Once I am off of sugar and refined carbs for a few days, those cravings are gone. I knew if I ate it, the donut would derail me again and start that horrible cycle. I think my donut days may be over folks, if I truly want to be healthy. And that is a trade that is worth making.

Once a week post??

I seem to be posting about once a week, and that's okay. At least I am posting something! :)

So I finally stepped on the scale. It was gruesome. I was back to 394. Not 395, my highest...oh no...I had not gained back that last pound. So I can say I didn't gain ALL my weight back. Ha ha! However, here I am, and I am once again trying to eat right. Today is day 2. I am eating NO sugar, no refined flours, etc, and am trying to keep to around 1600-1700 cals, with a limit of 2000. So far, so good. If I can get through this period of cravings, I will be okay. Actually, it isn't too bad yet.

This past weekend I took my son on an Adoption Anniversary Celebration at a water park. I did not feel like getting in a bathing suit- even if I had one that fit. So I didn't. He is only seven. How sad that he had to swim alone when we could have had fun together. The end of April he has a field trip to the zoo and wants me to go along. I don't think I could do all that walking the way I am now. So in the next six weeks, I hope to start dropping some pounds, and picking up the exercise pace, so that I can go to the zoo with him. I need to start being a healthy mom, so that I can set a good example, and be around for him, a long, long time.

Just one year ago.....

It was one year ago this week that I turned the corner from healthy eating, and started down that slippery slope to gaining weight back instead of losing. My uncle died unexpectedly, and all the emotions of my own husband's unexpected death came flooding back. I had been struggling just to stay where I was weight-wise for several months, after losing about 80 lbs in the previous year. Then suddenly, I blinked, it was now December, and I realized I had gained back almost all that I had lost.

So here I am today. I feel ready to tackle this giant weight loss albatross again. I am tired of stuffing myself into my clothes, and of being too exhausted at the end of the day to do much of anything except sit around. I know I need to start exercing again, preparing my meals, the whole bit.

Tomorrow I am going to step on the scale, and see the damage of a year of poor choices. And then, hopefully, I can start stepping in the right direction.

Funny how time flies....

It is amazing how quickly a year can pass. From 2008-9, I lost about 80 lbs. From 2009-10, I gained back about 65-70 lbs. (Still haven't weighed in yet.) I am trying not to be too discouraged about the weight gain. In thinking positively, I can say..well, at least I still weigh less than I did at the start of 2008. That makes me feel marginally better. :)

Things are going pretty well. I am easing my way back to eating healthy. Still not perfect, but better. I am following another blogger who is evaluating Medifast, and I am trying not to be too jealous. :) If I could afford it, I would probably give it a go, but I just can't afford that much money per month on the meals. Though I may eat more than I should, I do not eat a lot of pricey foods, nor do I eat out a lot. My budget is tight enough as it is, and I just don't have that much extra per month for convenience. I would love to be excited about a new plan though, and see some quick results. Oh well.

I will keep trudging on this way, and hopefully the pounds will come off slowly and surely as they did before. :)